Shit You Don't Need...Now or Ever

Too often, as first time parents, we cling to the advice of those who have preceded us. A lot of it is malarky. Here is my list of the top 8 (because I was too lazy to think of 10) gadgets, doodads, and trinkets that everyone raves about for absolutely no good reason. These are all personal views that I implore you to adopt because they just make sense.

8: Diaper Genie- Really? One more thing you need to worry about? Ditch it and reuse those zillions of grocery bags you're hoarding 'just because'.

7: Parenting Books- Thousands of pages that will have you questioning your abilities as a functioning human being. Cavemen got by just fine, and look how far we've come since. Use your head.

6: Leap Pads- Read your kid a damn book. If I can learn to read with such prehistoric materials as ink and paper, your kids can, too.

5: Baby Apps- What happened to good, old-fashioned Lego?

4: Genius Propaganda- Your four month old will NOT write a world-renowned symphony because he watched a $75 DVD. I promise.

3: Learning Toys- I'm talking about those flashy, obnoxious, repetitive electronic dealies that make you want to kill yourself after 3 minutes of them residing in your home. They're not doing anything but annoying the pants off of you.

2: Organic Clothing- Who do you think you're fooling?

1: Cell Phones- The fact that I even need to add this is mind-boggling. Who the hell is your 3 year-old calling? Dora? Get a grip.